Every woman is different and likes different types of stimulation.
To become a master of sexual pleasuring, you must first understand that this will not happen overnight. The most important skill to learn is the ability to read your lady's body and, unless you are telepathic, this will take some time. Don't get us wrong, using the techniques, tips and information we are offering will help you have a better understanding of the female anatomy, be safer, and improve your repertoire; there is a big difference between knowing the techniques and being able to apply them correctly.
While you are learning, we can't stress enough the importance of communication in a sexual relationship. Whether it be a talk before, during or after, feedback is essential to learn what does and doesn't work.
Before you start poking around her backside, make sure that your partner is ok with it. Some women are not, and won't react gently when they feel an "intruder". If you want to try, but your partner doesn't, don't try to force them to do it. You have a much better chance that she will try to do it if you have her cooperation, rather than arguing with you. Bring the topic up gently on occasion, and help her open up to this experience by getting her comfortable in the area and with the idea.
Without going too close to her anus, explore her inner thighs and bum with your hands and mouth. Some women have had bad experiences with anal play in their history, mostly because their partner moved much faster, or less gently, than they should have. If this is true in your case, getting her to talk about the topic is a great way to start. By learning where they went wrong, you can prevent that experience from happening again.
Cleanliness is essential with virtually all forms of this form of play. A bath or a shower is a great primer, and can be the start of the festivities. Once your finger(s), penis, or sex toy has been inside her anus, don't put it anywhere else until you wash it. Carelessness in this regard can cause a very serious infection.
Make sure to use a good lubricant (and plenty of it!), and start as slowly as possible the first few times. Assess her responses to your actions and react accordingly
Using her natural vaginal lubricant or salvia may work, but we strongly recommend that you use lubricant, especially the first few times. If you are paranoid about what could be on your finger when you pull it out, a regular or finger condom may be a good idea. Apply a fair amount of lubricant on your finger, and start by making little circles around her anus with a finger. If you feel her clenching her bum, you need to find a way to help her relax, as progressing deeper while she is "tight" will only cause another bad experience. Kissing her on the mouth and all over her body, performing cunnilingus, are just a few ways to ease her anxieties. If you get a chance to put on some music and candles ahead of time, it should help her be more comfortable.
Once inside, you can start playing to see what she likes. Start slowly and softly, and make sure to pay attention to her reactions when you speed up and/or add pressure. A few basic techniques to get you started are move your finger in a circular motion exploring the walls of her rectum, moving in circular motions along a specific region, moving in and out, rotating your hand to spin your finger. After learning what you can from these techniques, start mixing two, three or more of them together. Just always remember that it is a very sensitive area; so be gentle and watch her reactions before going further.
Performing cunnilingus can be one of the most wonderful things you can do for a woman. It makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and has the potential to give her an exceptional orgasm. Many women prefer it to intercourse, and for those who require a large amount of clitoral stimulation, it is the easiest way to orgasm. Besides, lots of women expect it these days and men who perform great cunnilingus are always appreciated and considered fabulous lovers.
There is little more exciting to a woman than to know that her partner finds her delicious; meaning that you enjoy the taste, smell and feeling of her vaginal juices. At the same time, there is little less exciting to a woman than to think that you don't like the taste and smell of her most intimate region. If your partner has a smell that is more than you can handle, or she doesn't feel comfortable with you down there (thinking you won't like the smell), suggest taking a nice hot shower or bath together. See the Bathing and Showering section for more details on how to make that bathroom experience a whole lot of fun for the both of you.
Before reading further, you may want to get acquainted with this region of her body by reading the erogenous zones section and having a look at the diagrams.
Remember, there is almost nothing you can do that will feel bad (so long as you are gentle), so relax! Any licking and sucking of the labia, vaginal entrance, clitoris, or anal area should feel great to your partner. Also, once you find something that works, don't stray too far away from it unless you are moving to something that works better, or if you are teasing.
Her neck must be one of the hottest spots on the female body. We at sexinfo101.com have never found a method more effective than hot passionate kisses on the neck to turn a good night kiss into an invitation for brunch. There are several things to keep in mind here . but most importantly, control yourself! Hickies may have been the big thing when you were younger, but most women hate them, especially when they have to wear turtlenecks for a week! If you must suck for blood, keep the hickies to places that are usually covered by clothes. Try to have a moist mouth, but don't slobber! Cover different areas of her neck with tender kisses, using the areas under/behind the ears for extra stimulation. Light nibbling and tugging usually work really well also. Start out soft and gentle as she gets into it, slowly go harder and wilder to light that fire of passion within her.
Bundles of nerve endings are in and around the ears, making them ultra-sensitive to your touch. Use the pads of your index finger and thumb to massage the outer ears with slow, firm movements. Gently squeeze the earlobes. Explore the area behind the ear with your lips and tongue, and then exhale deeply but gently while you keep nibbling. Don't be shy about making noise while you're lingering there, the sound of your breath and moans is a huge turn-on for most women. Make sure to remember there is a fine line between sensual ear play and "wet willies". Very few women enjoy having someone's tongue jammed down their ears!
The number one mistake guys (especially married or in long term relationships) make during sex? Not enough kissing. Women love to kiss, and many of them complain that guys just don't spend enough time on it. But don't just kiss more, also do it better. Try varying the intensity (kiss her softly, then more passionately, then slow it down again). When you're done with her lips, move on to her cheeks, eyelids, forehead, nose, neck, or earlobes (stressing neck and ears). Don't get dull doing the same thing over and over; make sure to mix up your style. If you generally move your hands all over her body when you kiss (which, by the way, is really good), try kissing her for several minutes without letting your hands roam (focus all you passion on the kiss), and let her indicate when she's ready to move on.
You've noticed that a lot of women play with their hair? It's not just a nervous habit; they do it because it feels good. Chances are she's wishing you would play with it, too. The scalp can be very sensitive to stimulation, and since she's probably not expecting you to lavish any attention on it, surprise her. Having her hair brushed can be a very sensual experience. Or run your fingers through it as you're kissing her, or, simply caress her scalp gently with your hand. Get some bonus points for washing or blow-drying, just leave the actual styling to her - you'll never get that thing with her bangs to work out right. On the other hand, some women have phobias when it comes to having their head touched; start out slow so your partner has a chance to stop you if she is one of those.
Breasts are familiar territory for most men and they're fun, so it's unlikely you'll shortchange them. The mistake you're more likely to make is giving them too much (or too vigorous) attention before she's ready. Over-stimulating the breast can be numbing or painful for women during some parts of their menstrual cycle. Try taking the less-is-more approach. Touch her breast softly, then lift your hand away for a moment, and then continue. That allows her to have the important moment of anticipation. Stick to indirect stimulation of the nipples until they become aroused (hard) and don't just focus on the bull's-eye; same concept as before - anticipation.
The entire breast is rich in nerve endings and all breasts have the same number of nerve endings. Thus, the woman with smaller breasts may experience increased sensations per touch. This results from a condensed amount of nerve endings. All breasts respond with time; lovers, go slow, take your time and slowly fondle the breast. Areas that are especially sensitive to touch include the nipple and the areola (the pinkish area that directly surrounds the nipple). One of the most sensitive spots, which is often ignored, is the underside of her breast. When kissing and touching her breasts, try starting around the outside and moving inward with slow circles. She may push your mouth or hand directly to her nipples, but don't let her do it, just continue moving slowly towards her nipple. Take your time; she is not going anywhere, so tease her. This whole process should take at least a few minutes. Next, wet the tip of your finger and lightly touch and roll her nipple around. Then, very lightly, using your fingertips, squeeze the nipple between them and when they are nice and hard, bring your mouth in. Note: some women enjoy nibbling and rougher play, while others are really sensitive and prefer light soft touching. Find out her preferences by asking or watching her reactions.
Here is where you can be really creative. Try tenderly kissing or caressing the backs of her knees, the insides of her arms, her inner thighs, or her palms. Women love to have these areas gently stroked, kissed, licked, or blown upon (be gentle on these areas, they are made of very soft tissue). Gentle stimulation is usually more arousing than pressure that's hard or rough. Catching her off guard can be half the fun. A lot of people don't realize that having a tongue going up their inner arm is going to be erotic. Again, we must stress that skin is the largest organ; there is lots to explore, so get at it!
It is located at the top juncture of her inner vaginal lips, a small knob of pink flesh. Women like different amounts of direct stimulation on their clitoris. Some women will adore it if you suck hard on their exposed clitoris, others would shriek in pain. You may encounter a woman who is completely unable to take direct stimulation of her clit; the goal is still the same, but you'll have to stimulate it indirectly, such as through her labia. Often, what is unacceptably rough at first may be fine after she's very excited (i.e., very wet). The fact is, most women need a good bit of arousal before having their clitoris targeted, but once they have reached that point, that's where many women want you to devote your attention. Refer to the diagrams if you are unsure of where the clitoris is located.
The perineum is the area between the vagina and the anus, it is very sensitive for a lot of women and it often goes unexplored. It's made from tissue similar to the vaginal lips so there are a lot of nerve endings there. It also has an element of intimacy that might turn her on. Some girls are scared of or disgusted by anal play, so if this is the case, ease her mind by reassuring her that you are not going to do anything she is against. It's not a part of the body that's normally exposed, so she will feel like she's giving you special privileges, which can be exciting. This area is like any other area you first encounter that is sensitive, stick to a light touch at first and hold off until she's been aroused for some time. For a smoother experience, try using a little artificial lubricant or massage oil.
Ready to get to the bottom of things? A lot of women like their buttocks attended to, and with more vigor than you might think. You can use pressure on a butt that you wouldn't use on a breast. It's not sensitive the way a nipple or a clitoris is so you can knead them and squeeze them. Many women are self conscious about their behinds, so spending time here will show her that you like it, and hopefully allow her to be more comfortable with herself and you.
Don't make the mistake of making her breasts the only stop on your way to the main event. That's what she's expecting. Surprise her by asking her to lie on her stomach and massage her lower back. Besides being rich in nerve endings, the small of the back has pressure points where stress can accumulate. A massage there might not turn her on in the same way that sucking on her nipple or rubbing her clitoris will, but it'll feel good and help release stress. What's more, it could even help with arousal, by increasing blood flow and engorgement in the pelvic area. Start by applying steady but moderate pressure with your fingertips and if she likes it, work up to a deeper massage. It never hurts to throw in a few kisses there as well. One technique we have learned usually works well with a massage is; while you are massaging her, take a minute or so to kiss her neck, then run your tongue very softly down her spine. After this you can continue with the massage or "go for lunch!"
A little creativity can go a long way when sex is involved. Here's a tip: Try sucking on her fingers or toes during foreplay or intercourse. (Granted, unless you're a contortionist, the toe thing may be a bit rough during intercourse, but you can usually find her fingers.) They're a lot more sensitive than you might think and for whatever reason, a relatively large area in the brain receives sensation for them. Lightly kissing or passionately sucking them, especially combined with the sensations you're causing in her genitals, can be incredibly erotic.
There is only one mystery greater then that of the female orgasm, it is female ejaculation. We've all heard stories about friends who have been with women who can ejaculate, but how many of us have actually experienced it first hand? When asked to describe the ejaculations, responses are often quite similar, "It's liquid, it's clear, it's wet, and it squirts". Beyond this, the details have always been quite gray.
Let's begin by understanding what the elements of the ejaculate are. The four main ingredients are Glucose, prostatic acid phosphatase (an enzyme which is characteristic of the prostatic component of semen), urea, and creatinine. The last two ingredients are commonly found in urine, but are in lower levels than in urine. So there is some urine in the ejaculate. Some studies conclude that in some women the ejaculate is more like urine, and in other women it more like a prostate fluid. Until this question is answered fully, its safest to assume that it is a bit of both. The quantity of ejaculate can range from a few drops, to a shower of it.
Where does the ejaculate come from? There are several theories here on this, but remaining constant amongst all of them is that female ejaculation comes from G spot stimulation (please read G spot section for more information). When the G spot is stimulated over a period of time, the spongy tissue that creates this area fills with fluid. Women who can ejaculate often hold back, thinking that it is urine. The ejaculate does come out of the urethra, like urine, so that is where the confusion takes place.
So what's left? You might want to learn how to get someone to ejaculate, or how to do it yourself. Like exploring everything else new in your experience of sex, you should work towards it, but not put unnecessary stresses on yourself by making it your goal. Also, it is not known whether all women are able to ejaculate, so if you or your partner is unable to - don't worry, but perhaps keep trying once in a while. As you already know, the ejaculate comes out the urethra, so it feels a lot like urine. Apart from people who love golden showers, how many people do you know who feel comfortable enough to risk urinating on or around their partners? It may be a good idea to allow yourself or your partner some privacy to understand this function of their body; at the very least let your partner now that you are excited about it, not grossed out. That being said, great places to try this out include the shower or bathtub, in or near water, or on top of some old blankets that you don't mind getting wet.
Good luck - and please be sure to write in and share your experiences of this wonderful type of orgasm with others...
Here are some techniques for fingering a woman's vagina and clitoris:
Place a well lubricated hand over her labia, fingers pointing towards her anus. Pull up toward the navel and alternate hands. Explore the inner and outer lips with your fingers. Pull gently on one lip and then the other. Rub the outer lips gently between your forefinger and thumb, then the inner lips.
Try inserting your first two fingers into her vagina, then arch your thumb back 'hitch-hiker' style and thrust in until your thumb rests against her clitoris. Now wriggle, twist, thrust, and vibrate your hand to drive her wild.
If your partner has a particular spot that they like to have licked or caressed, try doing so very close to but not quite on that spot. This trick will make them take longer to reach their orgasm, but they will likely have a much stronger, more powerful orgasm when they finally do.
Gently insert one finger deeply into her vagina and, when she's ready, insert a second. Then take your thumb and place it against her anus (Don't insert it). Press against her anus while you move your fingers inside her vagina.
Place the palm of your hand on her mons (the mound where her pubic hair is), and rest your fingers lightly on her vaginal lips. Rest your thumb on her thigh. Lightly but firmly press your palm onto her mons and begin to move your hand in a tiny circular motion. Your palm should not slide too much over her skin during this process. Rather, her skin should move underneath it. Repeat this process until you have done ten circles. You then raise your fingers and lightly tap her vaginal lips about once a second until you have given her ten taps. After giving the taps, rest your hand for five to ten seconds. Then repeat the whole routine over and over.
A woman's cervix can usually be found in the upper rear part of her vagina. The cervix feels like a little dome of tissue, and may also have a small cleft in the middle, like your chin. Carefully stimulate the area surrounding the cervix. Some women may enjoy this and want you to do it more often; others won't.
Lay your free hand over the lower part of your partner's abdomen. Experiment by applying different kinds of pressure with the top hand while fingers from your other hand are inside her vagina.
An excellent way to learn more about pleasing your partner is to rest your fingers over hers while she is masturbating herself. Then do the reverse, with her fingers acting as guides for your own.
Another form of genital massage can be done by holding a lubricated vaginal lip between your thumb and forefinger. While squeezing just a little, pull your fingers straight away from the woman's body. Your fingers will end up in the air an inch or two above her body. If she likes this, repeat it often.
Ask your partner to help you locate her ovaries. They can usually be felt in the deepest part of the vagina and to the far left or right. Some women will like you to massage this area, others will find it painful. Sensitivity will also vary with her menstrual status.
Begin with a light, gentle caress that barely touches the inner thighs and pubic hair. Don't go much further until your partner's pelvis begins to arch upwards. Tease and caress until the lips of her vulva invite your fingers to come play.
After applying lubrication, it might be nice to begin with one of the large outer lips. Place the lip between your thumb and forefinger, clasping it at the base where it attaches to the main part of the woman's body. Then run your fingers (or fingertip) from the lower to upper part of the lip, as though you were tracing one side of a parenthesis. Repeat this as long as your partner's feedback is positive.
Insert your thumb in her vagina, curl your palm around onto her clitoris, and rest your fingertips on top of her pubic bone. Alternate stimulation between the internal G-Spot, the clitoris, and the external G-Spot\bladder.
With two fingers press firmly up/side/down/side in her vagina, eight times each side.
Tickle the clitoris extremely lightly.
Some women might need and want good, hard, deep, vigorous thrusting penetration. Be sure to keep her relaxed - don't let her get tensed.
Gently pinch and pull on the clitoris.
With your forefinger make tiny circles, stopping at every 'hour'.
With one finger, tickle her vaginal opening as lightly as possible.
Orbit your forefinger around between her inner and outer labia from perineum to above her clitoris.
Use your three longest fingers, with your middle finger gliding along the outside of her vaginal opening and your other two fingers running along the area where her thigh meets her labia.
Using one or more fingers, massage in and out while twisting at the wrist.
If your partner is lying on her back, then her Grafenberg Area, commonly known as the G Spot, is located roughly 1.5" inside her vagina on the upper wall. The most ultimate orgasms come from a woman having her G Spot stimulated. This area inside the vagina typically has a different texture; ridged (not as smooth) as the rest of her vagina, and when aroused feels spongy. A G Spot orgasm is often associated with the mystical legend of female ejaculation and 15-30 minutes of a euphoric sensation where she is in complete bliss... Don't expect much from her during this time, she is in heaven.
With your fingers approximately two to three inches in, move your fingers in even circles all around the inside of the vagina. It generally feels best if you keep consistent, firm pressure along the entire length of the vaginal walls while fingering. You may wish to give a LITTLE extra pressure towards her belly as long as you don't break the steady rotational rhythm. Stop rotating your fingers and rest your fingertips on the (usually slightly ridged) area of the vagina just behind the pubic bone and exert pressure towards her belly (upwards). This is direct G Spot stimulation, and it usually feels best if the fingers are subtly moving. You can move your fingers in small, slow circles, or point your fingers more sharply and rock them back and forth.
An advanced and very successful technique is a combination of the two. Trace the inside of her vagina with your finger(s), while moving in and out. Make sure that your fingertip always hits the g spot on each rotation. Finding a nice rhythm is critical in this technique, and when you get it right, she'll be asking you how you learned that!
This topic is covered in greater detail in the vaginal intercourse article in the Intercourse section, but keep in mind the angle you position yourself during intercourse. Being able to stimulate the G Spot during intercourse will definitely increase the likelihood of your partner reaching orgasm through intercourse.
Sexual toys are a great way to enhance your sexual experiences. They can vibrate, stay hard, and best of all they don't get tired. There is no better way to learn how to experience vaginal orgasms then by using a vibrator to help you figure out how to use your body better. If there is a way to stimulate it, there is a sex toy to automate the process and to no surprise this holds true when referring to the G Spot.
When performing the following, make sure that your fingers are well lubricated. There is nothing more uncomfortable (and painful) than a dry finger roughly rubbed across a woman's clitoris or pushed inside. See the sexual lubricants product page for information on useful lubricants. In most cases, proper foreplay stimulating a woman's erogenous zones will usually avoid the problem of dryness. Nevertheless, it never hurts to keep a "tube of lube" sitting nearby. Under no circumstance should you put pressure or blame on your partner for this if it happens; work with her to get around it. It's written all over this and every other sexual information site, but in case you have forgotten, communication is key.
Most women masturbate by rubbing a finger or two over their clitoris, sometimes "through" the skin of their inner or outer lips, in a circular or back-and-forth motion. You can do this too, and it is most helpful to ask, or better yet, have her show you how she likes it done. Lie down side by side, and put your hand over hers while she shows you what she likes. You can also try having her hand over top of yours guiding.
Another technique which women are very receptive of is to have your partner lie on her back, spread her vaginal lips wide apart with your outer fingers, and use your middle finger to rapidly slide up and down her vagina rapidly and lightly grazing her clitoris. This motion alone will often bring a woman to orgasm. Don't forget to use your mouth while you are fingering, keep kissing her, her neck, and all her other erogenous zones.
An excellent way to begin manual stimulation is to stick one, and later two or more, finger(s) inside her, with your palm cupped over the mons area. We're talking about that fleshy "mound" over her pubic bone. Your finger should have freedom to move in and out freely while the palm of your hand can add pressure against her vulva and clitoris. Once you get better, you can start moving your palm to add more stimulation.
Another, more intense motion is to position your hand so that you have one or two fingers inside her with your palm facing her body. Now bend your fingers inward and move them in rapid but short movements focusing on her G Spot. This technique can quickly bring your woman to orgasm, especially when combined with cunnilingus.